I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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