i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
