Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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