i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize