just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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