Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
