i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
