you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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