i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I AM VODKA MAN
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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