sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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