so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
