he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
