dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
she smelled like a LAN party
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
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