I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
How's work?
Spinning.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
