There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize