So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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