worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
