He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
