You work out of a Hotel?
i think i have two assholes
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
