there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
try to milk me bitch
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