I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
