so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
