i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
