Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
