sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
