Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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