What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
