my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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