wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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