guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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