Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Sext me about skeletons
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
