Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
