Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
