nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Your cock deserves a montage
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
