a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
