at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
