No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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