So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
