I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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