Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
