I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
