I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
