i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
