She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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