Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
