its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
