What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
high people should be assigned attendants
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
