Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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