OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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