Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
