Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
