we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize