They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
