If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
