So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
