i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
