Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
