I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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