"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
