Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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