I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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