If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
