You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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