This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Randomize
