I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
In other news, I just burned my penis
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
