I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize