She's JV to your varsity
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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