Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
