oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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