He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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