do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Randomize