new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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