wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
