shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
