P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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