dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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