I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize