i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Randomize
