I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
