I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
