i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm determined to sit on that face.
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