Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
