I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize