My brain says no but my pants say off.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
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