He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
