there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Princesses don't give blow jobs
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
