i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize