I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
