at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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