These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
