I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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