why didn't you poke me back
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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