i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
