so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
