my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
