In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
