Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
